Website Member
Posts : 3
23.05.2006 : 18:33:14
1 KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that
the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to
his flashing lights and siren,the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled,"PULL OVER"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
>>>
2 IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off"
>>>
3 THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond.
"They're watch dogs!"
4 AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more.
She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said."Your finger is broken."
Joke 5
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple find themselves sitting outside The Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process
them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter shows up, they asked him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited for an answer. Two months pass and the couple are still waiting.
So as they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married,
what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered.
Are we stuck together FOREVER?"
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here!
Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
Website Member
Posts : 3
24.05.2006 : 19:27:26
Subject: FW: Barbecue Season !
After the long months of cold and winter, we will soon be coming up to
summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on
the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put
into motion:
Routine...
1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with
the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is
lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine....
5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks
her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine.....
8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces
and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon
seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some
women!
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